Home. Hmm.

I think I am at the age where coming home is not all that enthralling. Not that it ever was that enthralling over my college years, but, well. I suck at articulating my thoughts. Basically, I like to come home to enjoy the food, be able to cook, sleep and not think about school. But what I do in my free time? Nothing. Or sleep. Or see friends of course, which is usually the highlight. But I'm at the point where it just gets boring after a certain point. And then I just want to go back to school. With that said, I think it's time I go to sleep. I still have not fully recovered from having flu during the finals.

So this is...Christmas? The end of fall semester?

So this is it, huh? I am done with my last fall semester ever of college. I think I am in disbelief. How can I really only have a semester left of college! It makes me extremely excited for what can come next, but also really sad and a bit scared. Not just sad because it's ending, but because of how much I love Gustavus. I know a lot of people love their college and that it's not abnormal, but there's just something different about Gustavus that I think only other gusties understand. Even as much as we want to leave during breaks, after a few days, you'll always see statuses about being ready to go back or missing GAC. Sigh. I could go on forever about that, but I'm really just so sad that all I have left is one semester. So I guess it's time to continue to absorb everything I can in my limited time. 

In other news. I am home. I can finally sleep. I am content with the fact that homemade cookies, fudge and chex mix awaited me. And the Christmas tree. I also am just glad to be in the cities for a while. I miss my city life sometimes. I got to go to H&M today, which made me extremely happy. I feel as if I need to end this now because I am far too tired to express all the emotions I feel. But I will let everyone know that I watched Free Willy tonight and cried. 

Such is life...

Belief makes things real.

Okay, I admit it. I am AWFUL at posting on this, but really, my life just gets in the way. In fact, it's almost been a month since I last posted and for some reason time just keeps getting away from me. Thanksgiving is practically around the corner and I think my brain is still back in September.

However, today is the first snow and it is the best end to a night ever. God clearly placed me in the correct state, because I get so happy about this. There are so many things that I love about winter. Yes, it may get bitterly cold, but I don't care. I just get so happy. So, today begins my excessive happiness.

In other news, I have recently decided that people don't believe in things enough. We're a society that lacks belief. And I don't think people realize how detrimental that is. And I have been guilty of it at times too, but I try to be aware. We assume the worst and assume things will fail or whatever other negative thing, but rarely do we just believe. Just like we have to believe in ourselves in order to accomplish things in life, we need to believe in other things. I could list off thousands, but I won't considering I'm getting tired and may or may not be making sense. Now I feel like I'm just rambling. Which usually happens.  Shut up, Brittany.

Goodnight all.

Mid What?! Is It Fall Break Yet?

I honestly think midterms & finals make me lose my sanity. Well, I take that back. I've never been as stressed about them as I have been this year. And that's probably because the other things I have on my plate, specifically political things. Kind of like when I get a message today saying "Hey, you need to book a room on Oct 29th for 100+ people"...Oh ok, let me just get right on that. WHAAAAAAAAAAT?

Also, SIDE NOTE. I am not dramatic. I am a spaz. And yes, it is possible that the 2 go hand in hand. But I do not overemphasize the stress that is in my life, THAT would be dramatic. However, I do frequently panic about it, which makes me spastic. I could give several other examples but it's getting far too late for that and I have class in 7 hours. What is dramatic, is calling me dramatic. So there. Hmph.

I'm going to proceed to stop talking because I have no clue what is going on and I am so tired and my window keeps rattling from the wind. Also, St. Peter smells REALLY badly lately. It makes me sick. Goodnight. 

I missed 10/10/10. Argh.

Sometimes I feel like the world/people/whatever it may be just do not get it. And those are the times I wish I had little thought bubbles appear with what I really felt and thought in them. However, that's not possible. So I just rant on here. Which makes me seem negative all of the time. Fabulous. I should be asleep considering I have class at 8 am, but my brain won't turn off. No matter how hard I try, something pops up. Like little to do lists in my head. Along with random thoughts of other things I don't know how to deal with.

I miss my dad a whole lot lately. I don't really know why. Maybe it's because its fall and I associate this time of year with him getting sick. Maybe it's because I know I'll graduate soon and he won't be here to see that accomplishment. All of these people he knew wrote letters to our family after he died telling us how much he always spoke of his daughters and how smart they are and what they could achieve. And now, he doesn't get to see one of the biggest accomplishments. Maybe it's because I realize the absence of a lot of things lately. Or maybe it's because sometimes I still don't believe it happened. And maybe this all makes me a bit ridiculous, but at this point, I don't mind.

This is a dumb post.

I am stressed. About an array of things. Mostly, I feel like the time of the day always gets away from me. I mean really, it's already October. What is happening?! I'm just not ready for so many things. I also just have a lot of responsibilities that make my head spin. And random personal things too. I'm just in overload mode.

Also, I'm starving right now. But I was trying to be polite so that when my mom & sister get here, they can eat with me too. However, I don't even know if I want them to come anymore, but I can't do much because now they are driving up College Avenue. Bye.

Rambling > Egyptian Art

So, while the rest of the state is crying over the Twins loss or getting super pumped about the return of Randy Moss (like that rhyme?), I don't really care about either. Ok so the Twins lost, but somebody somewhere is homeless or starving. I think that's a little bit more important. Yeah, I'm one of them. Now you're probably wondering who they are huh? MUAHAHAHA. I'll never tell.

Although last night, when someone told me Randy Moss was back, I called them a liar. Woops. But really, whether my state's sports teams win or lose really has no bearing on my life or my happiness for that matter. I mean, I always want to say "It's just a game". Ok, yes. It's more than a game. It's a way people make a living (an excessive living at that) and a form of entertainment. As you can see, I'm not a very competitive person, even though I did play volleyball for several years. But then again, I guess I have to care because I care about politics and revenues that come into the state and the overall economy and what state funding goes towards sports. So really what I'm saying is that I care about politics. And I love hockey. That's important. And the fights are much more entertaining. And it's so fast paced. I love it. I need fast paced. I'm an impatient person. There, I said it.

In other news, I have T-8 months to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. AWESOMEEEEE. Apparently I need to use my strengths (consistency, empathy, relator, learner and belief...according to StrengthsQuest) to get me somewhere. I'm on it. Stat.

I think I'm going insane.

Goodnight.

The Only Dream

So, I thought I was going to be much better about keeping this up, but I'm not. Why? READING. And unnecessary drama. But mostly reading. I actually miss writing papers. In fact, I should be reading right now, but I'm typing this. I've always been held accountable for my reading, but not as much as I am this semester. Most of what I read is for Kinship & Marriage or Art History. K&M requires me to read and write a summary on each reading (there are often 5 or more readings, making up close to 100 pages for the week). EXTREMELY time consuming. And Art History requires me to read or else I will fail all of the quizzes, which occur almost every time I have class. I am glad my teachers want to ensure that I am doing the readings, but I miss the good old days of political science where the validation of whether I read or not was displayed through class discussion. At least then I would just look stupid if I had not read. So basically, I am spending this semester reading. Am I learning a lot? Yes. Am I extremely overwhelmed because I feel like I just cannot keep up? Another yes. I hate not feeling on top of things. I just need to make the Dean's List, again.

It's really just been a stressful first month of school. Being the co-president of something has also proved to be stressful. I am getting the most e-mails I have ever gotten in my life. I love it and this will be a great experience to talk about in interviews and great to have on my resume, but the pressure is on to reply to about 10 people at once. Organization is important. Plus, sometimes you realize that not everybody is as passionate about something as you. I mean I could sit in a room for hours discussing the importance of voting and listening to senators rant and rave and think of effective grassroots strategies and never get bored. But then there are some people that are like "Uh, this meeting was an hour? That's way too long" To which, I understand...to an extent. We are college students, we have things to do, people to socialize with. But, don't you join something because you're passionate about it? Then again, nowadays a lot of people join things just to put it on their resumes. And people at Gustavus are OVER involved. Whatever. Blasphemy. (I like that word a lot)

I am glad it is October though. I think I have always had good Octobers. Great, I probably just jinxed that. But October at Gustavus means Nobel and Fall Break. And midterms too. But we don't want to think about those quite yet. I could really use both of those breaks from class right about now. Especially since being sick made me feel super behind in everything. Except I'm super freaked out at the speed of the school year. I do not even want to begin to think about it. I am very excited for life after college, but simultaneously am trying to get everything I can out of my senior year. It does cost over 40Gs to go here, after all. Shoot. It's 1 am and I still have 4 articles (26 pages) to read and write about. And I have an 8 am class. Why do I do this to myself? Sigh. I see a long nap in my near future.

The First Post

If this were a show, it'd be The Pilot. But, I decided to be just as uncreative and call this the first post, because it is. I just thought today about how I have not journaled (which is apparently not a word) in ages. And by ages I mean since about the age of 16. I used to document every day and every emotion on myspace. Although I do find it a bit narcissistic to believe everybody really cares about your life so much, I decided to start documenting things again, but mostly for my own purposes. I'm in college. I'm way too lazy to sit down and write in something every night when I can just type it up in half the time. However, because of the complexity of my life...a lot of the things I say will be indirect. Let's be real, I can't disclose everything and if you're my real friend, then you'll probably know exactly what I'm talking about even through my ambiguity. So on with it.

There is a week until I go back to Gustavus. I am excited, but also apprehensive. I know that the apprehensive part will go away because I always consume myself in my school work. I love the routine of school and even when homework becomes overwhelming, I like having it. It gives me something to accomplish. Instead of sitting around in my house watching the Food Network like I am right now. I really should be packing, but I have no motivation to do it. Packing makes me kind of depressed. I think about all of the kids in the world that have nothing and I look at my abundance of things and feel disgustingly materialistic. Wow, I sound extremely negative.  Gotta work on that. It's probably because I am extremely tired and crabby. So tired that I don't think I can even finish typing this. Nap time, I love you.